Encouraging Thoughts — 2
As I was driving home tonight, I was thinking about how I would articulate my most difficult spiritual struggle to someone. Naturally, my first thought was, “well, what is my most difficult spiritual struggle?” The second that thought came to my mind, it was immediately followed by a memory of the most recent time I was completely vulnerable and open with someone about my struggles. I could clearly see the scene of me just crying uncontrollably as I repeated over and over “I’m not worthy. God shouldn’t love me. I don’t deserve His grace.” My friends with me at the time were trying to console me by telling me what a good person I was. The problem is, they only know a piece of me; they know the positive, fun-loving, encouraging version of me who is constantly trying to bring joy to everyone I know. That’s the version of me that I’m most proud of, and it’s the one I try to be as much as possible. However, there’s a different side of me that’s extremely selfish, constantly makes excuses, is very lazy, and shuts the world out.
That’s only one part of it though. There’s also the sometimes-unbearable weight of living with the knowledge of the things I’ve done that I’m so ashamed of. The times in my life where my actions have literally been equivalent to spitting in the face of a God who has shown nothing but relentless love for me. That knowledge is the real crux of my spiritual problem. How can I ever expect a God so kind, so good, so generous, and so just, to accept me after everything I’ve done to Him? These thoughts are often proceeded by thinking of all of the many blessings God has given me, but not so that I can show my gratitude for all those things. No, I start to add up all of the blessings so I can put them on His side of the ledger to show even more reasons why I’m a terrible, undeserving person since I’ve been blessed in so many ways and still choose to sin against Him.
As I dove more into this massive spiritual struggle of mine, I began to think about how long I’ve been dealing with this. It became very obvious to me that I had been wrestling with this concept of guilt about my salvation for way too long. I have been feeling so guilty and unworthy for the things that I’ve done, and the real issue with that sentiment is that IT SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN ABOUT ME! There is not a single thing about my salvation that is related to anything that I have done or haven’t done; it is all about what Jesus did on the cross. The Bible makes this very clear in Romans 5:18 “In other words, just as it was through one offence that all people came under condemnation, so also it is through one righteous act that all people come to be considered righteous.” Jesus dying on the cross and taking the weight of the world’s sins by becoming a holy sacrifice is why I can be saved. This is a free gift that God has given us that didn’t require any payment or earning on our part. The Bible states this in Romans 6:23 “Eternal life is what one receives as a free gift from God, in Union with the Messiah Jesus, our Lord.” Salvation is free to us; we just have to believe.
This realization then led to another, more surprising realization: not only should it never have been about me, the fact that I made it about me was completely devaluing what Jesus did on the cross. God knows that we struggle with pride, so He wrote in His word in Ephesians 2:8–9 “For you have been delivered by grace through trusting, and even this is not your accomplishment but God’s gift. You were not delivered by your own actions; therefore no one should boast.” God makes it so unmistakable in the Bible that we all have the ability to be saved, not because of anything we’ve done but because of what He has done for us. You don’t have the right to say if you deserve salvation or not, because the God of all the universe has already determined that you do. Who are we to argue against Him? What justification could we possibly make against His decision? If the Living Truth says His sacrifice on the cross granted all of us access to the free gift of salvation, then it must be so.
I didn’t realize until tonight how toxic my guilt was. I fully believe that guilt is not of God. I think guilt is one of Satan’s biggest tools to hurt Christians’ faith. God is loving, encouraging, and merciful. He will hold us accountable, but He’ll do it in a loving way. He would never attack us with feelings of guilt just to belittle us or make us feel small. God is telling us that because He deemed it so, we are absolutely all equally deserving of his amazing grace and salvation in our lives. You are worthy! Not because of anything you did, but because of what He did for you! If you have any doubt about whether or not you deserve God’s love, just remember, it’s not about you!
I really appreciate any comments, questions, or concerns you may have, and look forward to responding to any messages when I have time. I hope this blesses you and encourages you, and thank you for reading!
Sincerely,
Matt Casperite
